A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape...
but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape...
A strong woman isn't afraid of anything...
but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...
A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her...
but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone...
A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...
a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them...
A strong woman walks sure footedly...
but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls...
A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face ...
but a woman of strength wears grace...
A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey ...
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...
NOTE: This poem is dedicated to my "Crazy Little Sister", Greizelle... truly a woman of strength. Happy, Happy Birthday. I'm so proud of you. Welcome to another chapter of your life and the beginning of a fabulous and extraordinary lifetime that awaits you! :) I love you so dearly.
My love life has never been this screwed up. By that I mean like hopeless, tragic and horrible just as you can begin to imagine. Arrgh.
Alright. So, this is the story. My boyfriend of three years, almost four, broke up with me seven months ago now. Yesss! You've read that right. He was the one who left me crying my heart out behind. :'( So perhaps you might understand now why I am and my love life were all messed up! But not just that. I have this friend, a high school classmate, who turned out to be the closest guy friend among our barkada, whom I fell in love with. Madly in love with, if I may say. :P He's not that sweet but enough to make you feel "kilig" and so special. He's a perfect gentleman and has a heart as BIG as you can imagine. And, he's funny, too. He has this sweet smile you can't resist of seeing. The problem was, I guess, things happened just too fast. Everything was not falling into their right places as what it was supposed to. Plus, I think it was more of lack of communication. Yeah. That's what more likely it was. I talk and explain too much; he doesn't. I was like more open to him and he's the reserved type. I hate to say it, but I think I sort of nagged him. Hahaha. Nevertheless, I can honestly say that we get along just beyond fine. Even when we were just friends back then. We were so happy. No love-language barriers(just yet). No gaps. Nothing but genuine feelings of friendship. Until one day, everything has changed. We became an item. He and I became "WE". US. And, we were happy, too. I was way too happy that time that I didn't even consider things like we're friends and nothing should go beyond that friendship. But I took the chance. I chose to be happy because I hell deserve that!
However, things didn't work between us. I guess sometimes things doesn't work because they just simply don't. No explanations needed. And since I don't want to be pushy, I just let things befall and let fate or destiny, or whichever, decides for us. He didn't do anything in return anyway, so I figure out that maybe, just maybe, he didn't want to be in the relationship anymore. Still, I believe that he loved me back but not as much as I did loved him though. No.. not 'did' coz' I still do love him until now. Like really. Coz' last time I checked, I texted him on his birthday, greeted him and made myself clear about me loving him still. Yeah. Nuts, I know? That's bravery and love talking there. I still haven't recovered from the things that transpired between us. It happened too fast I didn't even noticed it was the end of US.
I'm here now, wondering what could/would have been. What if I told him that I wanna stay and fight for our relationship. Because what I felt that night when I heard him for the first time telling me that he loves me, was the real thing I've ever heard from him. It's too late now after all. As much as I wanted to regret things, I couldn't. And I wouldn't. Coz' frankly, that was the most exciting summer love affair of my life. I wanna remember those days I spent with him. Those days that we were just having fun, laughing and just enjoying each other's company. Those days where he would sent me home and kiss me goodbye. Those days that I caught myself smiling when I picture him on my head smiling towards me. Those days where all I wanna do was to sit right next to him and enjoy a conversation just about anything under the sun. Those days where he would hold my hand, hug me and look at me with much love, care and sincerity in his eyes. Those days where I'm so excited to wake up and look forward to seeing him before the day ends. And, those days where I would just read and read and read his text messages with an "i love you" at the end of each messages he sent me.
I wanna remember all those coz' those.. those are the things I know for sure will not gonna happen twice. :'(
I remember on my twenty-second birthday, after having lunch with my best friend Marie and went to school just for the attendance, we snuck out from our Obligations and Contract Law class. We were going to get the packed lunch I ordered from Nitz a week before my birthday. My birthday mission that time was to feed 50 random street kids we meet along Morayta, Recto and Quiapo Church. When we were about to finish the task we went to this certain park, where public school kids would gather with brown bagged forties and stolen packs of cigarettes. I had never been there before, but my best friend used to go all the time and she was introducing me to everyone. I forgot most of them, but there was this girl there, Nikki... she smelled kinda bad, and her hair was all tangled. I think she did it on purpose, she called them dreadlocks or something, but it didn’t look so good. I asked where she was from and she said she was born in Davao, but she lived on the streets now. When I asked her why, she said, "got nowhere else to go". Then she shrugged her shoulders, lit up a hand-rolled cigarette and smiled at me like I was the biggest idiot she’d ever seen. I never felt so sheltered, you know? I knew I was going home to my cozy little house, where my mama would be folding my underwear and cooking my favorite dish 'adobo' or some shit. And although my father could be mean as a hell, I still had a roof over my head. But I realized back then how fortunate I was for having not to live on the streets and endure the sufferings, hardship and the whatnot that entails with it.
I wonder if Nikki’s still living on the streets or if she found herself a home. Or maybe home is just a feeling, and it doesn’t matter where your feet are. Maybe wherever you are, that’s home.
I've been existing in this ferocious and chaotic world for 2 decades now. And I must admit it was never been, has never been and will never be EASY to live and survive despite of good people encircling around me. Because no matter what you do some people will try to pull you down. Life's complications are sometimes unbearable. If you have not learned to deal with it just yet, it will suck and eat you alive. HAHAHA.
It's been eight days now since I celebrated my twenty-something(th) birthday. I know. I'm currently in this phase of my life where people generally tends to deny their age and just cannot accept the fact that they're getting older and older each year. Poor me!
Well..to begin with, I wanna THANK God for giving me the opportunity to experience the beauty of life for twenty-six years(there you go) despite of its harshness. That even though transgression of any form, injustice, viciousness are about to embrace humankind, I still manage to act with transparency, and kindness. It's all because I learn to walk with Him and have FAITH. I trust Him more than anything in the world. I submit everything to Him--my failure, my frustrations, my heartaches, my fate, my destiny, my present and my future. With Him is my "ticket" to a great life, and by that, I mean life after death.
I can't thank Him enough for all the blessings He gave to me and my whole family so I bring back all the glory to Him. I wouldn't be the person that I am today without HIM--a Fighter, Believer and STRONGER. [Well, as I believe so.]
These past few weeks were the best week of my life, so far. =) I am very grateful that I am surrounded by real, sincere, genuine and loving people. I never thought that I have friends who'd pull such a surprise party.
No one has ever done that before. Ever. So to you babe (you know who you are), the mastermind of it all, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. Really. I appreciate the sweet gesture. I love you, you know that. And to the rest of the gang: Jaja, Paolo, Wella (my one and only ka-birthday), Ferds, Louie, Philmer, Ghilbert, Rica and Ian, who participated and took their time to create this special moment in mine and Wella's--THANK YOU! My heart is bursting with so much gratitude and joy. I love guys. Super! Ü
And to my G-Force family (Garampingat Force) who had never left, who had seen my pain and saw the worst and good in me, thank you for the birthday treat! :) I love you, guys forever!
I may have lost the one man I truly love(unfortunately for me), I still have these bunch of happy fools with me who loves me despite of my imperfections and flaws. They're all my TRUE and BEST friends.
Oh, let's not forget last Sunday's happening. There's this one guy, who's very, like VERY, special to my heart, who took me for a road trip on a Sunday morning. I've been so lucky enough for receiving such gifts. For one, a birthday surprise party from my HS friends. A birthday treat all expense paid by my college barkada. And now this! An ambush road trip! I could just die anytime now. HAHAHA. I feel so damn special!! Thank you, Smurfy! Ü Twas' the best ride of my life.
I've never felt this special on my birthday. I was well treated. I better had done good things for receiving such enormous acts of kindness and love! Thank you, sweet baby Jesus. You're awesome!! You really know how to make people so madly happy. Coz' I do. :) I love you, BIGTIME!! Ü
And to my Mom, whom I've had celebrated my birthday for 21 years, who couldn't possibly grace her presence physically on my birthday for she's abroad, that thought alone really made me completely sad. This was the fifth birthday that she was not here with me to enjoy it, however, I know that even we were million miles away and from a different time zone, in my heart she's with me, blowing my cake and wishing me that all my dreams would come true someday. I LOVE YOU MAMA! YOU ARE CERTAINLY THE BEST GIFT I EVER HAVE! I TERRIBLY MISS YOU! THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING!
**Blowing infinite kisses to the sky** Hope it reaches the great state of Sacramento. =)
I have prepared my "Thank You Letter" to sweet baby Jesus weeks before August came, which I prepare yearly especially on this occasion, and as much as I'd really love to share it here online, I couldn't because it's too long and confidential. (Or perhaps too lazy to type it.) HAHAHA.
Nevertheless, all these would definitely go to my Thank You Letter. :) These are the moments I truly thank God that I'm alive. I'm just too HAPPY right now that I couldn't contain it no more. I'm itching to write it! Hahaha.
Yesterday I was so bored and so tired from reading that I took off some time to recharge my brain cells. Being lonesome that I was, I jotted down things that could somehow help me cheer up. And I came up with these:
Best Moments In Life
1. Falling in love. 2. Laughing until your stomach hurts. 3. Enjoying a ride down the country side.
4. Listening to your favorite song on the radio.
5. Going to sleep listening to the rain pouring outside.
6. Getting out of the shower and wrapping yourself with a warm, fuzzy towel. 7. Passing your final exams with good grades. 8. Being a part of an interesting conversation. 9. Finding some money in some old pants. 10. Laughing at yourself. 11. Sharing a wonderful dinner with all your friends. 12. Laughing without a reason. 13. "Accidentally" hearing someone say somthing good about you. 14. Watching the sunset. (My favorite thing to do!) 15. Listening to a song that reminds you of an important person in your life. 16. Receiving or giving your first kiss. 17. Feeling this buzz in your body when seeing this "special" someone. 18. Having a great time with your friends. 19. Seeing the one you love happy. 20. Wearing the shirt of a person you love and smelling his/her perfume. 21. Visiting an old friend of yours and remembering great memories. 22. Hearing someone telling you "I LOVE YOU"
"The majority of us lead quiet, unheralded lives as we pass through this world. There will most likely be no ticker-tape parades for us, no monuments created in our honor. But that does not lessen our possible impact, for there are scores of people waiting for someone just like us to come along; people who will appreciate our compassion, our unique talents. Someone who will live a happier life merely because we took the time to share what we had to give. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have a potential to turn a life around. It’s overwhelming to consider the continuous opportunities there are to make our love felt."
"Love is not a thing, it is not lost when given. You can offer your love completely to hundreds of people and still retain the same love you had originally."
"The hardest battle you’re ever going to fight is the battle to be just you."
"A wonderful realization will be the day you realize that you are unique in all the world. There is nothing that is an accident. You are a special combination for a purpose -- and don't let them tell you otherwise, even if they tell you that purpose is an illusion. (Live an illusion if you have to). You are that combination so that you can do what is essential for you to do. Don't ever believe that you have nothing to contribute. The world is an incredibly unfulfilled tapestry. And only you can fulfill that tiny space that is yours."
"Love is life...and if you miss love, you miss life."
Words from my favorite author, Leo Buscaglia that I live by. Thanks to my college friend, closest and one of the best, Erlou Salunat, who will soon take her bar exams this November. :) Good luck, bru! She introduced me Leo's book which originally was her eldest sister's. :) Oh, well, thank you, too, Ate Blossom. I mean, Atty. Blossom. Ü
Ever since I was a kid, I would always go outside our house, look for that only star in the sky, close my eyes and quietly whisper a wish. I would also try to somehow count what it seems an innumerable zillion of stars and get familiarize with their constellation names and amuse myself from one of my few favorite masterpieces God ever created, the Moon. :) These activities each night were my favorite thing to do whenever I get to sneak out while mom and dad were busy engaging with their business and auditing finances.
Whenever it's full moon, I had never failed to remember the movie E.T. Where I first get acquainted with Drew Barrymore. She played the role of that cute blonde little girl named Gertie, who befriended an unknown creature. =)
If kids from today's generation are talking about Harry Potter, that's their childhood. Mine was this movie. Twas' a Steven Spielberg's film, FYI. Oh, and if you remember that tale of The Never Ending Story, sheesh, that was CLASSIC! One of the most beautiful films I've ever seen and the best story ever told, well at least for me. =)
I wish I could meet and come across with what little Gertie and Bastian saw and met in the movie. By that, I would ask him to bring and fly me to the moon. Hahaha! I wanna feel what it's like to see the world at its very top. Dream BIG! ;-) ..or dream WILD?! *wink*
Five days from now shall be the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. I'll be turning twenty-something. I know. Scary, right? Few signs indicating that a person is ageing. You tend to conceal your age because you're afraid being called an elderly; in our native tongue its, "gurang" or "tumatanda na".
Oh, well.. YES, I'm not getting any younger. And, I hate it when people are addressing me, "Ate" (eldest sister). Pisses me off at times. Nonetheless, age is just a number. It will never, NEVER, define you. But frankly speaking, it's freaking the hell out of me. Hahaha! However, as I write this down today, it hasn't occurred to me, yet. Just yet. I just wish that this "age thingy" panic attack to which I am currently dealing with shall pass without leaving me a hung over. Hopefully.
Anyhow, cheers to more wonderful quality years ahead! Surprise me LIFE. :)
My day will not be complete without cuddling with my handsome dog named Moimoi. I start and end my day with him by my side. He's ridiculously adorable, lazy but mostly hyper at times, fat, and ultra sweet. I love him like my own son. And since he's the apple of my eye, I can't help but shower him with all my love and affection. I carry him around like a stuff toy, call him cute names, use baby talk, all the works! My neighbors probably think I'm a retard for sounding like I'm living with a kid when in fact, it's just me and him.
But I noticed though that whenever I give Moimoi too much of my time and attention, he pulls away. If I hold him too tight because I'm "nanggigigil" or if I run around the house looking for him and beg to cuddle, he goes into defense mode and hide. I guess he's drowning from all the affection he's getting from me that he no longer enjoys his own private space.
If I come home really tired though and I doze off straight to bed or if I'm in a really shitty mood and prefer being in an "isolation booth", he would start throwing tantrums. If I do this on a regular basis, he will start distancing himself to me even when after my bad days are over. He usually behaves like this whenever I go out of town for more than 3 days. He doesn't like too much attention nor too little.
However, if I do everything in moderation, give Moimoi just the right amount of cuddling at the same time, a space to breath, he comes running. If I let him be and keep myself busy, he stays beside me, lies down with his belly facing up or he licks me into my face. (It's a sign that he's asking for attention!) After observing this for a long time, I have mastered the act! If I want quality time with Moimoi, all I have to do is call him out, praise him, give him some dog treat, and leave the rest to him. No demands, no pressure. And VOILA! He comes my way.
This is the most valuable lesson I have learned from my doggie. I realized that if you want someone/something so bad, chances are it won't be yours because anything you chase in life runs away. Or lets simplify with the saying, "A watched pot never boils." But then again, if you do the reverse which is to not do anything at all, they could slip away as well. So how's that?
Just like holding Moimoi, I have learned that the key is moderation. Hold on to your dreams, goals, money, career, special someone or anything that means so much to you with just the right amount of grip and pressure. But don't let it too loose for it could slide off your hands just like that. Learn the act of catch and release. Not too suffocating... but not too lenient.
Thus, I love my dog for not only is he adorable, loyal, independent, and a fantastic companion... he also taught me a simple lesson in dealing with important matters in life. So now, every time an aspiration of mine seems to be slipping off my grip, I remind myself about the proper way of holding Moimoi and I come back to my senses... It's all about balance. Hold on to it... not too loose but not too tight. Just right. And just like Moimoi, they will find it's way back to you as long as you're meant to have them.