In 2003, I received a friend request through an email from a not-so-close-friend who introduced me to "Friendster", which I happen to enjoy later on when I learned about how brilliantly testimonials work. It magically boost everyone's ego by flattering them and say nice things about them. Everybody was like hooked to it including me.
Come 2007, my sister convinced me to put up a Multiply site because "it was way faster than Friendster and you can put up MORE photos and albums." So I did. But eventually failed to keep it.
The following year, everyone on TV and some friends were talking about this "Facebook" network site which I intentionally ignored during that time. It was my then boyfriend, in 2009, who put up an account for me (as I was busy studying and going home to Caloocan then and I didn't have the time nor the resources to bother with such things). All I had to do was to maintain it.
I'm a very expressive person that's a fact. Somehow Facebook and other what-have-you network sites are tools I used to express those feelings. If I'm mad you'll see it and read it through my statuses. I used to write in my diary and journals, then Multiply when it became the next new thing. I'd write poems and heartaches and what studying in a freezing coffee shop til 4am every single day does to your marbles. All the words would just write themselves honestly and freely and unreservedly. Especially when I'd get my heart broken. Until such time when I realized that somehow, I was broadcasting my anger and heartaches to the world. I suddenly feel ashamed and awkward about it. However, I can't change that one thing about me, being transparent and vocal about my feelings.
A bestfriend once told me that there are some personal things that I should learn to keep from myself and without the world knowing it because for one, no one will give a damn care except for those people who only matter. So why bother, right?
Last week, I decided to delete Facebook for good. Technically, you can't delete it. Not PERMANENTLY. In fact, that's what I am so furious about. That Facebook won't let you delete your account permanently and the only option you got is to DEACTIVATE it. Meaning you can go back from using it again if you decide otherwise.
I'd be very hypocrite if I tell you I don't enjoy Facebook nor had so much fun receiving heaps of attention from the many likes and comments I get each time I posted photos or statuses. However, as much as it has a lot of good things to consider why I should keep it, it also has the same amount of reasons why I shouldn't.
Sa totoo lang, going through my Facebook and Twitter news feeds makes me feel like I don't know any of these people. Is this all our lives are anymore, are we just made up of our likes and shares and comments and the occasional song lyric one-liner that's supposed to make people feel it's somehow what we're feeling that way? I mean, I love reading random posts from friends and family and people who are interesting already in real life. Belle's Twitter posts on cheeseburgers and Jollibee deliveries has got me hungry many nights and made me reach for the McDonald's hotline at 3am a few times. Haha. But the thousand other people on my Facebook I'm sure wouldn't say 'Hi' to me in the street unless I say Hi first. (But even then they'd probably be surprised - they might be like, why are we interacting, we're not logged in. Hahaha!!)
I want to share this text message I received from a HS dear friend, Louie, last Sunday, "You'll be selfish if you delete your FB (Facebook) for good. Don't do that just because this one person broke up with you. How about the rest of your friends on FB? Don't they matter? Fine, you're hurt..but things happen for a reason."
Twas' probably the best text message I received that week. And the very reason why deleting Facebook was so difficult for me--REAL GOOD FRIENDS. Had not this break up arise, I bet this blog wouldn't be posted anytime soon. Hahaha. Nor my Facebook had not been deleted by now. I will sure hella regret this decision later on. But as of now.. as long as I'm good without it, I'd stay out of it as much as possible so I won't be tempted! *Good luck, Denise, on that one! ;)*
And to my dear friend who sent the text message: Sure.. things do happen for a reason. About me being selfish, you can even say that, too. But not to those people who really matter. For one thing that's sure, they will totally understand me. But thank you anyway for being so honest and a good friend. :)
If in the future I decided to continue using Facebook, I hope that by the time then, I probably had moved on. Hopefully. Fingers crossed.
I should really get back to writing soon. So much for Facebook and other what-have-you social network sites. :)